Lol!

[Giel]

Bliksem slaat in op penis

AMSTERDAM - Een Croatische motorrijder moest even stoppen om te plassen. Dat had hij beter niet kunnen doen, omdat het nogal onweerde..


Ante Djindjic (29) uit Zagreb kan zch niet veel meer herinneren: ,, Het ene moment was ik aan het plassen, daarna lag ik ineens het zienhuis!" Volgens de artsen komt dit door zijn rubberen schoenen. Omdat de elektriciteit door zijn schoenen niet de grond kon bereiken ging het door de straal -en dus de penis- de aarde in, meldt Ananova.

Djindjic, die er met wat brandwonden op borst en armen en penis vanaf kwam, is opgelucht: ,,Mijn jongeheer is gelukkig niet onherstelbaar beschadigd."

[Dark Ruler]

Tis lang doch geniaal.



br0kenrabbit says:
hi

Greg_ValveOLS says:
good evening

br0kenrabbit says:
What's ip?

br0kenrabbit says:
up?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
my name is greg a member of the valve online Support team

br0kenrabbit says:
On MSN?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
yes

br0kenrabbit says:
Why?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
we logged multiple ips from your account and ned to verifi your information

br0kenrabbit says:
My information?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
we believe someone may have stolen your account mmmm you havent shared youre account infomation with anyone have you?

br0kenrabbit says:
No. I don't even have it written down.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
hmmm maybe a keylogger on you r PC then maybe you need a format?

br0kenrabbit says:
Well...

Greg_ValveOLS says:
if you can verify your account information to me i can insure that only your ip have access to it Its a new security feature were trying because this happens so muchlogin names and passwords aint safe anymroe You know. L

br0kenrabbit says:
Well

Greg_ValveOLS says:
dont worry this connect it secure

br0kenrabbit says:
Can I be honest with you, Greg?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
k

br0kenrabbit says:
Look, I don't know how you go this MSN account name, don't really care, either.

br0kenrabbit says:
Unlike you, I DO work for Valve. Trace my ip and you'll see.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
huh?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
bs

br0kenrabbit says:
Trace it.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
how

br0kenrabbit says:
Start/run/cmd type Tracert and then my IP address and hit enter.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
oh k

br0kenrabbit says:
As an employee, I know that Valve employees will NEVER contact users over MSN. I also know a valve employee will NEVER ask a user for his/her username and password.

br0kenrabbit says:
I'm putting a temporary hold on your Steam account.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
why?

br0kenrabbit says:
Have you read the ToS?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
Tod?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
tos

br0kenrabbit says:
terms of service

Greg_ValveOLS says:
were?

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg, this is a serious infraction against the Tos. You are at risk of losing your account.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
why

br0kenrabbit says:
I just told you why

Greg_ValveOLS says:


br0kenrabbit says:
I need some information from you if you want me to unlock you account. I'm going to write you up but I will only suspend you account for three days, since this is your first infraction, okay?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
k

br0kenrabbit says:
First, what is the name the account is registered to. Not the user name, the persons real name who created the account. This is for verification purposes.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxx xxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Is this you?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
Are you the only user of this account?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay, and what is the username

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay.

br0kenrabbit says:
I see you have purchased a few of our games, thank you.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
some. dude

Greg_ValveOLS says:
m

br0kenrabbit says:
Do you always log on from the same IP?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
And who is your internet providers, your ISP?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Thank you. One moment, please, let me verify this information.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
am i gonna be bale to play 2nite?

br0kenrabbit says:
What is your city of residence?

br0kenrabbit says:
That depends on if you cooperate. You're doing fine so far.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Illinios?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
yes

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay. And what is the password associated with this account?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay. Do not try to log into steam. If you are connected now you need to log off.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
why

br0kenrabbit says:
So I can update your account.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
can I play 2 nite

Greg_ValveOLS says:
clan fight

Greg_ValveOLS says:
wont win without me heh

br0kenrabbit says:
Heh. You'll have to wait a few minutes. Are you logged off?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay. Give me just a moment.

br0kenrabbit says:
Try to log in now.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
k

Greg_ValveOLS says:
It says login failed wtf wtf!!@?

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg

Greg_ValveOLS says:
did u ban me???????????>WHY

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg

Greg_ValveOLS says:
what

br0kenrabbit says:
Valve will never ask for your username and password.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
what????

br0kenrabbit says:
I don't work for Valve dude, but you just got pwnt.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
omg dude wtf why?

br0kenrabbit says:
Why were you trying to steal my account?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
i wanst

br0kenrabbit says:
Then why were you asking for my information?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
i was just making a joke but not cerious honest dude just give
my acount back pllllleeease i'm only 13 and save d up for like a year to buy it

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg

Greg_ValveOLS says:
dude pleas

Greg_ValveOLS says:
what

br0kenrabbit says:
Go mow some yards, bitch.

[Indy]

Aw 

[Dark Ruler]

Laatste zin is toch geniaal :P

[Giel]

The top 10 unintentionally worst company URLs

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that
represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is

www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and
views at

www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at

www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at

www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…

www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:

www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always

www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is

www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky
website:

www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at

www.gotahoe.com

[Giel]

Op Valentijnsavond liggen man en vrouw samen in bed. De vrouw kruipt dichter tegen haar man aan en zegt "vertel me vuilen dingen." De man antwoordt "de gang, de keuken, de woonkamer, de garage, ...".

---

Een koppel komt een 3 sterren restaurant binnen.
De ober vraagt wat ze willen drinken.
Zegt de vrouw: "Voor mij rosé champagne."
De ober vraagt: "En voor meneer?"
Zegt de vrouw:"Een glas plat water."
De ober blijft discreet en brengt het gevraagde.
Even later komt hij vragen of ze hun keuze hebben gemaakt:
"Jazeker" zegt de vrouw:
"Als voorgerecht neem ik foie gras,dan een halve kreeft,
dan canard â l'orange en als nagerecht kaas en een aardbeientaartje.
En om te drinken mag je me een halve fles Petrus van 1989 geven."
"En voor meneer?" vraagt de ober.
Zegt de vrouw opnieuw:
"Voor meneer enkele blaadjes sla als voorgerecht,dan gekookte wortelen
en als nagerecht een ijsje op basis van rauwe worteltjes en om te drinken
een glas groentesap."
De ober ietwat gegeneerd zegt:"Meneer is zeker op dieet?"
Waarop de vrouw antwoordt:
"Nee,maar zolang meneer overal gaat neuken als een konijn,
zal meneer ook eten als een konijn."

---

Een kroegbazin vraagt aan de enige klant in het café hij wat wil.
"Awel, ik zou graag mijn kop tussen uw borsten steken en het zweet ertussenuit likken."
De cafébazin is geshokeerd en boos en wil de man buitenzetten. Maar hij sust haar en biedt zijn verontschuldigingen aan.
Een tijdje later vraagt ze weer of hij wat wil.
"Awel, ik zou graag van die goeie lopende pudding tussen uw kontkaken smeren en dan alles er uit likken."
Weer is de cafebazin boos, maar laat ze zich sussen. Tot ze nog eens vraagt of die gast wat wil.
"Awel, ik zou u graag ondersteboven zetten, uw foef vol Duvel gieten en dat in ene keer leeg drinken."
De cafebazin is nu echt pissed en gaat naar boven haar vent erbij halen.
"Schat, weet ge wat die viezerik hier beneden tegen mij durft te zeggen?"
De man is zijn krant aan het lezen en kijkt gestoord op "Wat dan?"
"Die wil het zweet tussen mijn borsten weglikken!"
"Wat? De onbeschofterik! Die sla ik in het ziekenhuis." En hij rolt zijn mouwen alvast op terwijl hij rechtstaat.
"Ja, maar das niet alles, hij wou ook pudding tussen mijn kontkaken smeren en dan alles oplikken."
"Wat? De pervert, die kan ineens zijn bodybag gaan bestellen." De man neemt zijn baseballbat uit een hoek en vertrekt naar beneden.
"Wacht, het is nog erger" zegt zijn vrouw "Hij wou ook mijn kut vol Duvel gieten en dat dan in ene keer uitdrinken."
De man zet zijn baseballbat terug, stroopt zijn mouwen terug af en gaat terug in de zetel zijn gazet lezen.
"Sorry schat, maar met iemand die een hele bak Duvel ineens kan opdrinken, wil ik geen ruzie."

[Dark Ruler]

Nog twee bash.org'skes die mee mekaar te maken hebben.

 bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

[Dark Ruler]

Dear Citizens of America,

In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up “aluminium,” and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour’, ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix “ize” will be replaced by the suffix “ise.”

3. You will learn that the suffix ‘burgh’ is pronounced ‘burra’; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as ‘Pittsberg’ if you find you simply can’t cope with correct pronunciation.

4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up “vocabulary”. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

5. There is no such thing as “US English.” We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of “-ize.”

6. You will relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”,
but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).

7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will
be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called “Come-Uppance Day.”

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables… Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour.

12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling “gasoline” - roughly $8/US per gallon. Get used to it.

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called “crisps.” Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar.

14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as “beer,” and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as “Lager.” American brands will be referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors as English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” was an experience akin to having one’s ear removed with a cheese grater.

17. You will cease playing American “football.” There is only one kind of proper football; you call it “soccer”. Those of you brave enough, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a
bunch of Jessies - English slang for “Big Girls Blouse”.

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the “World Series” for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable and forgiven.

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cleese

[Giel]

http://www.actsofgord.com/

Zalige website met anekdotes van iemand die in gameshop werkt. Book Of Annoyances al gelezen, heerlijk

[Giel]

http://www.nieuwsblad.be/Article/Detail.aspx?ArticleID=DMF09072008_063

Hihi

[Dark Ruler]

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
---------------------------------------- ---------------------------
Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman who won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
---------------------------------------- ---------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you say to a woman who has two black eyes?
A: Nothing. You've already said it twice.

[Giel]

The new barman in the pub is black, so I said to him, "beer please, nigger."
He hit the roof and said, "why don't we swap places, let's see how you like it."
So I went round the bar, he walked out then came back in and said, "beer please, honkey."
I said, "sorry mate, we don't serve niggers in here."

 
Adolf Hitler en Eva Braun zitten gezellig voor de open haard. Op een gegeven moment zegt Adolf tegen Eva: " Gooit nog eens een Jood op het vuur schatje." Waarop Eva antwoord: "Een Jood met baard of een Jood zonder baard?" Adolf zegt: " Pak maar de Jood met baard. Die knettert nog een beetje."

[Giel]

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=111777031

[YankeeWaRRiaH]

Iedereen die Metal Gear Solid heeft gespeeld weet dat Snake zich kan verschuilen in een doos. Zodra hij dat doet, vinden de bewakers hem niet. Een goed idee dus, wat in de praktijk is gebracht door een 42-jarige Duitser.

Deze man had er genoeg van om vast te zitten en besloot zich te verstoppen in een doos. Na lang genoeg gewacht te hebben is de doos meegenomen door een koeriersdienst, waardoor de man vrij was. De baas van de gevangenis schaamt zich diep en gaf aan meer personeel te willen. De man in kwestie loopt nog steeds op vrije voeten rond.

[Dark Ruler]

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?"

Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."

" A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.

" What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his dick?"

"Well, for one, I like to watch my money grow."
"Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand."
"And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."

==============================================================

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St. Peter must decide one among them.

St. Peter asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven.
So she takes off her top and says, "Look at these.
They're the most perfect ones God ever created, and I'm sure it will please him if He's able to see them every day for eternity."

St. Peter thanks Dolly, and asks Queen Liz the same question.
She then drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it.
St. Peter says, "Ok, Your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged. She screams, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own creations; she performs a disgusting personal hygiene act; she gets in and I don't?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says St. Peter, "but a royal flush beats a pair any day."