Lol!

[Dark Ruler]

Omdatter hier zoveel fan van zijn:

De beste quotes van De Wever


- Erik Van Looy:
'Ongelooflijk. Je hebt negen van de tien uitwerpselen van dieren herkend.'

Bart De Wever:
'Je kunt niet de hele dag stront over je heen krijgen zonder er iets van te weten.'

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- Bart De Wever:
'Is dàt soixante-neuf? Dat ziet er mij zeer acrobatisch uit. Het is meer iets dat je bij de Chinees bestelt.'

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- Erik Van Looy:
'Heb jij tatoeages, Bart?'

Bart De Wever:
'Plaats genoeg, maar geen ambitie.'

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- Goedele Liekens:
'Misschien moeten Bart en ik samen een partijtje oprichten.'

Erik Van Looy:
'Jullie worden toch niet samen ongesteld?'

Bart De Wever:
'De avond is nog jong.'

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- Erik Van Looy:
'Hoe weet jij zo goed op welke kamertemperatuur vrouwen het vruchtbaarst zijn?'

Bart De Wever:
'Ik heb vier kinderen en ik ben nooit thuis. Dan moet je je tijd goed besteden.'

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- Erik Van Looy:
'Ken je iets van sport?'

Bart De Wever:
'Nee. Maar als Duitsland speelt, kijk ik àltijd.'

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- Rik Torfs:
'Een homerun ware nog mooier geweest. Zeker een van Bart met daarna het beademingsapparaat.'

Bart De Wever:
'Zolang het geen mond op mond van u is, zal het wel gaan.'

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- Bart De Wever:
'Ik blijf hier zitten tot iemand wenst dat ik win.'

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- Erik Van Looy:
'Ken je de voornaam van Herr Flick uit de serie allo' Allo' ?'

Bart De Wever:
'Ik ken alle Gestapo-mensen.'

[Giel]

Gisteren in de finale, opgave was vijf populairst koosnaampjes voor vrouwen (zoetje, poepie, schatje,...)

Eric: Lieven, hoe noem jij je vrouw?
Lieven: ehm, al deze mogelijkheden hier!
Eric: En jij Bart, hoe spreek jij je vrouw aan?
Bart: Mevrouw.

Heb de volgende vraag niet gehoord van het lachen ^^

[Keunemeun]

heerlijke man! punt

[Dark Ruler]

The Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear ' the rules'
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[Dark Ruler]

Interessante vragen voor wanneer een conversatie stil neigt te vallen:



Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already,
three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before scrolling down to the
answer of this one........


Question 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:

Candidate A: Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B: He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.

Candidate C: He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital affairs.

Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.







Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt

Candidate B is Winston Churchill

Candidate C is Adolph Hitler



And by the way: Answer to the abortion question …..if you said yes, you just killed Beethoven..

Pretty interesting isn't it. Makes a person think, before judging someone.

Remember, amateurs built the ark - Professionals built the Titanic.

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Wat random one-liners:


I was so poor growing up... If I wasn't born a boy... I'd have nothing to play with.

A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

One day as I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy... "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

I'm so ugly... My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I was born... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father... I'm very sorry... We did everything we could... But he pulled through.

I'm so ugly... My mother had morning sickness... AFTER I was born.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost... I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him.... "Do you think we'll ever find them? "He said. "I don't know kid... there are so many places they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.